I promised myself I wouldn't continue on the boo hoo train this year.
This year there would be no more moping about not falling pregnant yet… but (and it's a BIG butt) today marks the eighth pregnancy announcement I have personally encountered this year so far - And we're not even half way through February yet!
So please excuse me while I go ahead and have a minor moment here with you.
At first of coarse I was genuinely happy for them while, understandably, also feeling the slightest twang of jealousy. Then somewhere between the 3rd and 6th announcements I stopped feeling the usual elation and noticed things were going horribly wrong in my head…
throwing yourself on the bed in a pool of tears isn't the usual reaction by any chance is it?
No? Damn!
Half of these reactions have been to women who, like me, have been struggling down the TTC path for many years, most only after partaking in the arduous journey through IVF.
The rest have been bitterly accidental.
Complete and utter whoops-a-daisies.
Absolute surprises resulting in total freak outs before the inevitable conclusion of acceptance.
That's not to say one half deserve this blessing more than the other. Trust me, I've been equally envious of both groups and feeling more and more like a horrible person for it every time I might add.
Today though, while waxing a client I've known for at least 6 years, I felt the news of her pregnancy (yes, announcement # 8 in less than 6 weeks) wash right over me.
Oddly enough I didn't feel the pang. I didn't even flinch.
I could understand her struggle, had prayed alongside her that 'this year' (whichever year it happened to be) would be our year.
Somewhere deep inside my soul a little voice called out to my heart -
"you see? don't fear, this will be your year."
With so many babies coming into this world already surely there are more to come.
And surely one of these precious little souls making it's way into the world will find it's way to me.
Maybe there really is baby dust in the air.
Maybe this will be my year after all…
6 comments:
Your writing is wonderfully honest. I can't tell you how much I respect you for that.
Sometimes I just can't hold it in… thanks for putting up with my little rants xo
I am in this club with you. It is very hard. I am no longer hoping that this will be my year because I know it won't be, however, I am wishing that it will be yours.
Loulou
Oh I totally feel your pain here!
I went through years and years of hearing of friends and family announcing their pregnancies and I was like you. So happy for them at first, then it began to feel like I was the only one left without a baby. I wasn't ttc, my ex-husband wasn't ready...after 6 years of marriage! I got to the point where I would cry every time I heard someone else's 'happy news'. But I got there in the end. I found a husband who did want kids, and when I was 36 & 39 my precious angels were born. I'm so hoping this year will be your year. xx
Thank you all for being brave enough to share your sides of the story here. It can be such a taboo topic but it warms my heart to be able to share a little part of our journeys together.
Sarah - your words always make me feel 10 feet tall.
Thea - stories like yours give me hope and strength to keep on hoping.
Loulou - yours breaks my heart but reminds me that I'm never alone in this struggle.
Love to you all xox
that is so odd that you are talking about this. I have noticed this is the year everyone i know, and there dog, are having babies! haha. i know about 16-17 people who are pregnant, or who have just had a baby. im not kidding! i dont understand what is in the water around here!!
this has got to be your year, IM SURE OF IT!!!
<3
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