Words From Before…

30.5.12

Sitting here I've written and rewritten this post countless times only to eventually squirrel it away to my archives for a later date.

Fluffing away about my tales of impending travel feels empty and irrelevant while I struggle to not scream from the rooftops the most exciting news of all… 

That I am almost 2 months pregnant!

How this is even possible escapes me as I had no idea you could conceive without at least having a cycle but it seems the old adage is true about life happening when you're busy making other plans.

So here I am, a week away from when I first found out the glorious news that a miracle is growing steadily inside me, a week away from leaving the country alone for the first time in my life and a week away from saying goodbye to my husband for the longest we'll ever have been apart so far in the 12 long years of our relationship.

I promise when I get back to fill you in on all that has been happening. 

I promise when I get back to be utterly and completely open and as honest as before.

For now I feel I need to retreat - to keep this little treasure to myself lest I jinx myself and wake up from this most beautiful of dreams.

Soon I can feel safe enough to share xox

Resolutions

I generally don't do resolutions (read: Never stick to them) but today, while reading over a few other blogs and stumbling by some new ones I got to realising that I may have accidentally let a couple creep out from the recesses of my mind without even meaning to. Sneaky sneaky…

So anyway here they are (belated, like everything else so far this year).

1. Stress less, live more.
2. Find balance. No more doing things to excess.
3. Get healthy - No more procrastination, it's time to move this body!
4. Take a photography class. Even if it's just a one dayer. I happened to see some cool classes on offer over at RedBalloon that spiked my interest… 
5. Travel to Malaysia to see my sister and her cuties in Penang.
6. Blog with abandon (stole this one from Sarah over at Hemenway Street.

Although that last one was inspired after New Years and not by thought of my own little noggin, it's a good one to follow through on.

Lately I've realised my blog has become more of a mass of meme's rather than what it was intended to be.

My rambles have slowly disappeared and almost every day is linked to another's blog.

While I'm not likely to turn my back on link love (it's too much fun and I enjoy it way too much to boot), I do think a return to good old fashioned rambling writing may be called for.

I love linking, it brought me to all you wonderful bloggers out there…  Still there was a time, back before anyone at all (seriously I mean no one at all) read my posts, back before I even knew how to edit a photo let alone upload one. Back then the sole purpose of my blogging was to pour my heart out and share my thoughts.

Still, I was fragile and unsure of what direction to take this blog in.

I wanted to use this place as a spring board of stories and wisdom to share but I also wanted desperately to be heard.

What's the point of a blog after all if nobody reads it?

The day I figured out how to link up with other bloggers was a turning point for me.

Hooorah!

Finally I could join in on something and share myself with others while enjoying a flood of visitors and comments for the very first time. (Comments were also a privilege I rarely got to enjoy. Oh poor me, Boo Hoo, Ho-Hum.)

It became addictive. A little too addictive… So addictive in fact I turned my back on more meaningful writing and focused instead on doing my darndest to keep people visiting my blog week after week.

Now I know doing this has been an integral part of blog building, I also know I've taken it a bit too far and this year I plan to cut it out.

Or at least inject a bit more of myself and my reflections into my place in cyber-space.

Lets see how this little experiment goes. What's the worst that could happen?

Besides all of you getting bored of me and clicking the little unfollow button and breaking my poor little heart… yea, that would be pretty bad. Promise me that won't happen and I'll promise to try to not be so boring this year. Deal! xox

Shakin' It Out!

On Sundays I play music on my blog.

Old or new or in between.

Related or not.

But always songs I love!

Here are my picks for this week.

You can play along by linking up with Thea @

Do I Really Wanna Blog.

Can't wait to hear your picks.

This week Thea chose to relive some of her past.

Past boyfriends in particular… inspired by the ones who got away.

(or missed out depending on how you look at it)

I worked hard to block out a lot of those years.
I managed to have so much boy trouble in such a short space of time yet now can barely remember the old songs I used to pine over.

I'm pretty sure I even made a mix tape which I gave to one old boyfriend during my reluctance to be broken up with.
(the term "bunny boiler" comes to mind when I think of myself during that particular relationship.) 

I've chosen to tie this post to Thea's theme as I was planning on sharing these songs to describe my current desire to move on from the old at this time of year anyway.
I always find as the old year draws to a close it brings with it a sense of reflection on the past and how far I've come. (If anywhere at all).

It could seem to me as though I've made no progress at all really…
The New Year sees us entering our 6th cycle of infertility.
Another Christmas without the fluttering joy at sharing this one with our very own special news.

and at once I knew, I was not magnificent...

While I could easily spend the holidays wallowing in self pity, that would be rather counterproductive.
(and very un-Christmassy for all unfortunate enough to be involved)
Much like dwelling on my silliness during my teenage years, I instead choose to take comfort in knowing I've definitely learnt a thing or two about myself since then.
That through discomfort and disappointment comes immense growth and strength in character.

So in the spirit of moving on and moving up I give you;
Shake It Out

Thankfully I saw my first dawn in the form of hubby's appearance in my life and at the tender age of 17.
While I'm still hoping to see the Sun rise in my life once again,
for that, at least, I consider myself very lucky.
Very lucky indeed.


xox