So Much Love

                                                                                                Source: eatpeople.tumblr.com via Monica on Pinterest

Just living is not enough, said the butterfly. One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower- Hans Christian Anderson

This Monday I couldn't be loving anything more than the feeling of my growing baby's first flutters.
Right on 18 weeks too!
As my Mum & sister rubbed my belly and spoke words of love through my shirt suddenly a spurt of fluttering began and my sister felt the slightest sweep of movement pass across her skin like the delicate brush of butterfly wings.

All night it continued and again this morning. It seems baby loves to be talked to, which is good since most people I hold company with certainly love to talk :)

In two more weeks hubby and I find out what sex we're having.
I couldn't be more excited to know all is well and healthy in there.
All I want is for this scan to go well and at the end of it all to be granted the greatest reward I have ever dared wish for - our longed for baby, finally in my arms where it has always belonged.

Happy Monday folks xox

p.s. Not in love with the fact that the Much Love Monday meme is dead,

but I'll do my best to keep the spirit alive on here at least. 

Mice and Men

via

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Go oft askew,
An' leave us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy! 

I'm often loathe to speak too soon of upcoming plans for exactly this very reason. Shit happens.

Prospects change and more often than not what can go wrong will.

Right now for example many plans have been in the works.

Research and excitement has been building.

Dates have been made and then changed.

I've set things into sequence only to have them suddenly come to a standstill.

I won't say much more about this except that I will persevere for as long as opportunity allows.

While I might be slightly apprehensive as to whether these plans will eventuate I'm also excited at the possibility of finally being able to share them with you all.

One success at a time.

But oh! I backward cast my eye,

On prospects dreary!

And forward, though I cannot see,

I guess and I fear! 

<Poem excerpts courtesy of

Robert Burns - To A Mouse>

Baby Boom

I promised myself I wouldn't continue on the boo hoo train this year.
This year there would be no more moping about not falling pregnant yet… but (and it's a BIG butt) today marks the eighth pregnancy announcement I have personally encountered this year so far - And we're not even half way through February yet!
So please excuse me while I go ahead and have a minor moment here with you.

At first of coarse I was genuinely happy for them while, understandably, also feeling the slightest twang of jealousy. Then somewhere between the 3rd and 6th announcements I stopped feeling the usual elation and noticed things were going horribly wrong in my head…
throwing yourself on the bed in a pool of tears isn't the usual reaction by any chance is it?
No? Damn!

Half of these reactions have been to women who, like me, have been struggling down the TTC path for many years, most only after partaking in the arduous journey through IVF.
The rest have been bitterly accidental.
Complete and utter whoops-a-daisies.
Absolute surprises resulting in total freak outs before the inevitable conclusion of acceptance.

That's not to say one half deserve this blessing more than the other. Trust me, I've been equally envious of both groups and feeling more and more like a horrible person for it every time I might add.


Today though, while waxing a client I've known for at least 6 years, I felt the news of her pregnancy (yes, announcement # 8 in less than 6 weeks) wash right over me.
Oddly enough I didn't feel the pang. I didn't even flinch.
I could understand her struggle, had prayed alongside her that 'this year' (whichever year it happened to be) would be our year.
Somewhere deep inside my soul a little voice called out to my heart -
"you see? don't fear, this will be your year."

With so many babies coming into this world already surely there are more to come.
And surely one of these precious little souls making it's way into the world will find it's way to me.
Maybe there really is baby dust in the air.
Maybe this will be my year after all…

Do I... Don't I? Will I... Won't I?

Hmmm….
I have, what feels like, a really huge decision to make.

You all know how much I love joining in on memes….
ie: Much Love Monday, Wordless Wednesday, Polly Dolly, Sunday Sessions AND Shadow Shot Sunday to name but a few. Need I go on?
Tonight though I'm seriously thinking about taking that love one step further but am scared that I'll just manage to put my foot in it instead...

The ever lovely Tracy of Hey Harriet fame aka: Shadow Shot Sunday announced today that next Sunday will be her last one as host of this fabulous photography project.
I'm sure I wasn't the only one shocked and saddened at the prospect that it would all be over so soon.
Although technically it's been on going for the last 3 years, so many have only just begun to participate and lets face it we're selfish and never want it to end.

While a few have mentioned they'll continue the theme on their respective blogs, Tracy's put a call out for anyone who's brave enough to take up the challenge of running this meme in the future to contact her with their interest.

Cue: me and my foot…

Just as soon as I expressed my interest it instantly opened the flood gates of self doubt:
Will I be able to commit to such a project every Sunday?
Do I want to expose myself to so many new readers or am I happier within the safety of obscurity?
Will I be judged as unworthy of filling such talented shoes?
How will taking this on affect my blog either good or bad?
I'm so new to all this blogging business what if I just totally suck at the whole thing and this makes my suckiness even more apparent… 

But then I think;
What do I really have to lose?
If I'm sharing this responsibility with others then it's not such a burden right?
And who said it's a burden anyway? This could be a wonderful opportunity to open myself and this humble little blog to a whole new level… I always said I wanted a theme…
I could start a separate blog if I didn't want it to affect my personal stuff but then there's no reason I need to commit only to Sundays - I can still blog about my regular stuff on the other days.

Oh I'm making myself dizzy just writing about all this.

I do have a few days to mull it over so if all else fails I can simply say thanks but no thanks (and forever kick myself while merely participating in someone else's ability to be brave).

Aaahhh… What if, what if… my doubts will be the death of me.

I really want to take the leap but I'm scared… eek!

Tell me, if I started a Shadow Shot linky would you join?