Monday, 30 April 2012

Mice and Men

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Go oft askew,
An' leave us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy! 

I'm often loathe to speak too soon of upcoming plans for exactly this very reason. Shit happens.
Prospects change and more often than not what can go wrong will.

Right now for example many plans have been in the works.
Research and excitement has been building.
Dates have been made and then changed.
I've set things into sequence only to have them suddenly come to a standstill.

I won't say much more about this except that I will persevere for as long as opportunity allows.

While I might be slightly apprehensive as to whether these plans will eventuate I'm also excited at the possibility of finally being able to share them with you all.
One success at a time.

But oh! I backward cast my eye,
On prospects dreary!
And forward, though I cannot see,
I guess and I fear! 

<Poem excerpts courtesy of
Robert Burns - To A Mouse>

Friday, 27 April 2012

The Darkness Within

“Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody” ~ Mark Twain

This months theme was based on Florence & The Machine's Shake it Out.
For reasons I don't think I need to outline this song is particularly special to me and obviously many others. I think I can completely relate to Urban Muser's feelings here, summing up a long and arduous personal journey leading to little or no avail.

I myself have finally given up on my 6yr TTC fight while relenting to the fact that some things are just not worth beating yourself up over.

She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said.
~ Storypeople

Shaking out the darkness today at {in the picture}'s April linky party.

In The Picture

Floral Fantasy

image via flutter happy blog.
I've been spending far too much time procrastinating on-line as opposed to actually being creative myself. Sometimes it's nice to get lost amongst the prettiness of other people's work.
How can you not when it looks anything like this?

So if, like me, you crave any further distraction why not take a wander in Alice B's Garden
over at flickr lane?
Oh, the loviness of it all…

Monday, 23 April 2012

Random Refrain

<this song comes with a language warning>
Don't ask why because I couldn't tell you, but I've had this song stuck in my head for two whole days now… why is it always the most random tunes that this happens with?
For some unknown reason the more you try to get it out the deeper it lodges itself in there,
don't you think?

Oh well, could be worse. At least it's not a song I hate or a stupid jingle - hate when that happens.
"Da, da, dat, dat, daaa - I'm lovin' it!"

What's the worst tune you've ever had stuck in your head?

Friday, 20 April 2012

Oh! How very Pinteresting…


Gotta admit I've been guilty of being a little more than obsessed with Pinterest in the past. I mean, who hasn't?
(No, really if you haven't then you must be living under a rock - or lying.)

Anyway I knew I had a problem when what seemed to be a couple of minutes of randomly browsing turned into a 4am Pinfest of mammoth proportions (400 pins in one night, anyone?) So for the good of humanity and my sanity I had to step away once and for all.

No I did not delete my account - are you crazy?!
But I did take it off my bookmarks and out of my history thus making it harder to access ;o)

Since then I've gotten rather over it… the constant notifications that so & so has repined my image of blah blah 365 times throughout the day will do that to you.
That and the fact that most of the time the images aren't linked to the source (oh, how I detest dead ends!) had me up in arms and ready to disown the lot… if it weren't for my recipe board. 
That board at least serves some other purpose besides helping me look busy when I'm really not and as if I'm much more artsy fartsy / cleaver / creative / whatever, than I actually am.

I love being able to store countless amounts of useless crap on a system that doesn't clog my own hard-drive.
That's all kinds of Awesome!

Anyway a few weeks passed by without me contributing to or even acknowledging the site ever existed until I got one notification that caught my eye. Apparently Kim Kardashian and Neil Patrick Harris have started following me… Yea, right, as if! Hahaha!

Still, it did spark my curiosity and so I checked in for the first time in what's felt like forever.
Imagine my surprise when I suddenly became aware that I now have 89 followers following my boards!
What the what?
I don't even care that they're probably a bunch of pimply teenagers pretending to be celebrities - we've moved beyond that now people… 
I swear that when I turned my back I had all of 23 followers on there and all of those were a combination of friends or pity pins.
i.e.; I followed them first.

This leads to the question - Is Pinterest the new Blogger? And did I miss the whole "I'll follow you if you follow me" memo?
Is that what's happening here?

I'm not entirely sure, so instead I'm assuming I must be doing something right. (looks like late night pinning payed off afterall…)
So in the interest of staying Pinteresting here are a few of my top pinned pins :)

Source: via Katerina on Pinterest
Source: via Katerina on Pinterest

Source: via Katerina on Pinterest 

To see more Pintasticness visit me hereGo on, all the cool kids are doing it ;o)

Wednesday, 18 April 2012


The Enemy Within
She sits within a crystal heart, adorned by a crown of thorns.
She whispers things inside your head and plants them as your own.
She fills your heart with dread and doubt and when hope comes about,
She hunts the source, she finds the light and snuffs the candle out.
We all struggle now and then to see ourselves as our own best friends as opposed to being our very worst enemies.

I can honestly say I am comfortable in my own company (a little too comfortable at times, you could say that I prefer it) and mostly I can accept that this is who I am and that my body is not me but is merely the vehicle that transports my unique little soul around this world enabling me to leave my own individual mark upon it.

But then something happens to set it all askew.
The inner crazy lady starts to come out of her usual hiding place.
For some, someone may make an idle comment towards them that hits a little too close to home.
A raw nerve is struck sparking that inner dialogue of self doubt and despair.
Or maybe life starts spinning a bit too fast to keep a grasp of, sending the old stress levels and emotions spiralling out of control.

In my case it's always the same… my body, that so called temple, inevitably lets me down right when I want it to rise to the occasion most.

It's no secret around here that I've been TTC for quite a while now, although I have been making a deliberate and conscious effort not to talk about it anymore, around here at least.
(I hope you've noticed, I've been aiming to exude a more positive vibe around here and less of the ' let's hop aboard the waa-waa train')
I've been taking more walks, capturing the beauty in the world around me, making future plans (that don't involve babies) and generally nurturing a happy mindset.
It was all going so well.
My cycle was steady, my tests and scans all came back clear and best of all I'm down to less than 10 follicles within both ovaries.
To all those not in the know, that translates to PCOS free! Hooooooraaaahh!!!!

We then uped the ante and changed physicians resulting in a prescription of Clomid which in theory would force ovulation and regulate my cycle back to 28 days. 
I felt the weight of these past 6 years lift off my shoulders at the imminence of a practical plan.
All we had to do was wait for my next cycle so we could finally begin my treatment.

Can you guess what happened next?
Yep, no period.
It's been 98 days since my last cycle and still nada… (but who's counting?)
This body, this vessel I'm supposed to care so much for has decided it doesn't want to join in on the party. Why co-operate when it can do whatever the hell it feels like?

At first my crazy lady reared her ugly head;
"Don't treat yourself poorly? Be your own best friend? HA! Pppft! How can you not see your stupid body as the enemy when it only serves to sabotage you at every given opportunity?"
I could have taken this direction and run with it but you know what?
I actually can't be arsed. I can't be bothered caring anymore.
Being sad and mopey and depressed and whatever else you want to add to the already salted wounds just takes too much effort.
Equally, hoping and wishing and generally trying to keep the flame alight is just as tiring if not more. 

I. Can't. Be. Bothered.

You hear that body? I give up.
You win. I surrender!

That's it, I've had enough. I'm tired of fighting for the promise of nothing.
I don't want to see anymore doctors. I'm sick of feeling like a specimen.
I've given more blood for samples than the average person donates to save lives and spent enough money on specialists and their tests to fund a round the world trip!
When I think of that waste alone I could weep.

I. Am. Done.

Why focus another minute on something that clearly doesn't want to be?
Now that the usual culprits have been eliminated what other reason can there be for my lack of fertility besides my body screaming loud and clear:
There is no enemy within. The only enemy has been me and for 6 years I've waged war against myself.

This is my time to live. This moment right here is the only thing that counts.
Tomorrow may rain, it may not. 
The world might end this year. It may not.
There's always a chance things could go either way however slim but even if someone could tell me the exact day I would become a mother would I just sit around waiting for it to happen?
And what if they could tell me it never would, would I curl up in a ball and cease to exist?

It's going to be hard to let go, I've spent so long "trying".
Although I am mega excited to be giving up those bloody temperature charts. Forget throwing them out, I feel like lighting a bonfire with them and burying them in the backyard!

I want to know how it feels to not care anymore about babies and creation or the science behind it all.
I want to travel and laugh and take too many pictures.
I want to rest and rejuvenate and meditate on creating inner peace.
I want to make love with my partner because the mood strikes and not because some test says my 'window of opportunity is open'.
Every window, bench, floor, table top and goddamn rooftop will be my open opportunity from now on - haha, avert your eyes!

And if life doesn't wish to be created within me? Then so be it.
I am content to create life in every step I dance to, in every mark I leave upon a persons heart and within every beat of my own in this world for as long as I'm blessed to live it.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Love Without Expectation

Today I love: finding beauty in the most unexpected of places.
Ironically, I always seem to find hearts on floors… 
I wonder what that's all about?

To join in Much Love Monday, simply do a blog post that includes

a picture of a heart and mention something you love and link up to 
Anna's Much Love blog.

❤ Wishing you a week full of serendipitous love xox

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Faded Memories

Ever since I was a little girl I've felt drawn to and fascinated by old and derelict dwellings.
I would peer into the dusty windows of old corner shops and abandoned houses wondering what former life these neglected buildings once led.

Forgotten and forlorn… but not by me.

I could daydream for hours about what they must have looked like in their former glory.
I loved to imagine who once owned them, lived in them, grew up in them, what kind of things the shops would sell and who the people were who once shopped there.

When I look at an old building I don't just see the cracked and faded paint, dilapidated walls and ceilings or grubby grime stained windows - I see through the dirty facade and wonder at the beauty that once was as well as foolishly hoping that one day it will be restored once again.

I still feel sad when I drive past the empty lot of what once was a house straight out of my dreams.
The run down American country style house was exactly the kind I envisioned when reading so many of my mystery novels as a young girl.
For years it stood there neglected and overrun with vines yet throughout my teens and early twenties I would pass by it and fantasise of one day buying it and restoring it to the home it once was.
Silly that I would still feel cheated somehow by the demolition of that place, since I always knew I could never afford to buy it let alone restore it.
Still I can't help feeling regretful every time I think of it or pass by where it once stood…

Broken but not beaten, full of character, strength and with many stories to tell, sometimes I wish that walls could talk. Don't you?

Monday, 9 April 2012

Fiddledy figs!

Found via: 
which also led me to a delicious looking fig jam recipe.
That's definitely going on my to-do-list.
It's no secret how much I love figs.
All sorts, raw, baked, preserved you name it… 
if it's fig related I'll eat it.

But one of my most loved ways of enjoying them
(besides hunking into them fresh from the tree)
is baked in honey and served with Ice Cream.
Sharing the recipe over with Anna & co @ Much Love.
First prep your figs;
wash, dry and rub a little oil on them before placing them
in a baking pan, stem side up.
Cut a cross in the top of each fig, cutting almost to the bottom
then drizzle with a few teaspoons of honey.
Top each one with a piece of butter.
Bake the figs in an oven at 200℃ 
till they open up like flowers (around 8-10mins).
Put the figs on plates to serve.
Add a teaspoon of water to the pan and return to the oven for 1 min, 
then stir to make a sauce.

Drizzle the syrup over the warm figs and serve with ice cream on top or to the side.
Dig in and enjoy!
Bon Appétit. 

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Much Love Beauty

via: pretty cure

So I'm a day late joining in this week but as one lovely reader pointed out a while ago, I'm sure it's still Monday somewhere in the world right now…

This Tuesday/Monday/this whole week in fact, I'm Much Loving that it's only one more day till our four day Easter break!

Not sure what I'll do with myself but I'm sure I'll manage to fill my time with plenty of
aimless wandering.

Second thing I'm loving is playing with all my goodies from the Salon Melbourne expo.
I scored myself 20 pairs of assorted Lash Republic false lashes (enough for a lifetime but they were so cheap!), some Vani-T spray tan samples, TK's lash extension effect mascara, a score of new Shellac colours and make up galore just to name a few.

But the one thing I think I'll  be gushing about till the end of days is my brush with celebrity make up artist Rae Morris.
Standing at her stall perusing the exquisite quality of her hand crafted & eco friendly brushes (Mac-shmak!I could feel her eyes taking me in.
When I looked up and caught her she laughed and said "sorry, I couldn't help staring but your eye make up is gorgeous." Then addressing the crowd she said "see ladies? This is a perfect example of precision eyeliner application."

OMG, joy of joys!!! (can you tell I have a teeny tiny crush?)

Next year I'll HAVE to indulge in one of her workshops but just speaking with her at her stand was enough to make me fall in love with her all over again.

After 10 years in the beauty industry I'm glad I can say my passion is still as strong as ever.

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. 
~Clay P. Bedford

Sunday, 1 April 2012


There just aren't enough harps being played in music these days…

Wow - What a day!
It took me a solid hour to make what should've been a 15min trip into the city for the Melbourne Hair & Beauty Expo.
Stupid Nav Man kept taking me along the longest route and losing satellite reception that, compounded with my airy fairy headspace, had me making wrong turns and missing turn offs left, right and centre.

Thought I'd be clever and chose the cheapest car park miles away from the Exhibition Centre resulting in a walk across the bridge, two blocks away and up a flight of stairs. More to see and snap along the way, I figured. Except I was running late - no time for ambling…

Spent 4 hours bouncing excitedly from stall to stall, blinded by all the pretty shinny things on offer.
(Did not foresee that I would spend a lazy 500 smackaroonies on beauty buys as well as a 12kg box of wax. Suddenly it dawned on me how incredibly far my car was parked.)

Lugged my loot most of the way before my arms and back gave out at the car park. I had no choice but to tuck my stash in a discreet hiding place for later retrieval…
And not a single good samaritan in sight! (hubby reckons taking off my wedding rings might've got me a helping hand. How rude!)

I wish I'd had the foresight to be there a little earlier and take some shots of the docks and the beautiful Polly Woodside residing there.
Never mind, chalking it up to experience - it was my first time after all and I did manage to score a major haul so all was not lost.
This album helped keep me calm along the way.
Well, there's always next time… and next time you can bet I'll be prepared.
Complete with trolly and credit card in tow ;o)

Sharing the tale with everyone over at


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