Saturday, 5 May 2012

Things I'm afraid to tell you…

Recently I read this post written by Rhianne of For the easily distracted, who was inspired first by EZ of Creature Comforts who in turn was inspired by a 'Things I'm afraid to tell you' blog challenge created by Jess of Makeunder My Life.
The fact that this has trickled into a force of such momentum as to have over 50+ bloggers participation is astounding and gives me hope that honesty is in fact the best policy.

While it's always lovely to draw inspiration from such pretty sites as design and fashion forums, blogs etc, there's an element of nicey niceness within it that, well… sometimes just feels a bit forced.
And when it does appear that some people are just so effortlessly cool, it only serves to reaffirm my own self doubts - which of coarse is a problem of my own creation - no one can make you feel something you don't already believe...

Anyway I'm rambling, as usual.
I think I'm usually very honest on this space (probably waaaay too honest actually) but hey why not push the boundaries even further?
What is self growth if not the ability to laugh in the face of your own ridiculous face?

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing,
we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as best as we can.
~Robert Cushing

Right then, let's dive in shall we?

☁ I've collected every card and every letter I've ever received and store them in old shoe boxes.
Proper letters, not bills and stuff, that'd be weird. (Although I do have a few of those floating around too. Sometimes I just put them down or shove them in a draw somewhere and forget to throw them away till I get in the mood to Spring clean.)

☁ Before renovating my dining room, all that space was used as a junk room.
No, I don't mean just a few random bits and bobs that don't have any other place in the house.
I'm talking about things like piles of clothes that don't fit in my already bursting and outdated wardrobe, my very first PlayStation console (plus games) as well as a monthly collection of Dolly magazines dating back from my first days of HighSchool. Do they count as vintage?

☁ During said renovation, rather than sorting through all that crap I simply dumped it all into what used to be the study but is now the Room of Doom. (You can barely open the door or even walk into it without fear of being crushed by clutter).
Sometimes while watching Hoarders I worry that I may become like that one day.
I joke about it all the time but my Dad has always had a tendency to hoard and I worry since I do take after him, more than I care to admit, that it will happen with me too.

☁ I cry whenever I get angry. I cry especially hard if ever anyone is angry with me, even if I just think they are. My stomach gets all knotted and I replay the scenario in my head till I think I've convinced myself I couldn't have done anything wrong but then the tears come anyway.
I hate to disappoint and I especially hate confrontation so a combination of the two is simply a disaster.

☁ When I get too personal about my inner feelings I worry that I'm coming across all emo and needy, not to mention super depressing, and that I will turn people off me.

☁ But when I avoid talking about my darker moments I worry that I'm no longer being real and that you will all get bored of me.

☁ I'm completely in love with my dog and consider him my fur baby far too much than is normal.

☁ Sometimes I think my photos are actually really crappy and so amateur that people only say nice things about them so as not to hurt my feelings.
I also worry that I have no actual talent in photography and that attempting to get any good at it will turn out to be a waste of time.
With so many wonderful photography blogs out there showcasing so much amazing work I feel I'll forever be on the back foot. But it makes me happy that I'm trying and so I continue.

☁ I know I use (brackets) and 'commas' and italic far too much than I should. But.I.Just.Can't.Stop…

☁ I'm not at all very domestic (it comes and goes in sparks & spurts) and worry that one day this will come between hubby and I.

☁ After almost a year of blogging I still don't know what the hell my blog is about or where on Earth any of this is heading.

☁ I get so nervous before any and every social occasion to the point that I get snappy and irritable at every little thing to go wrong. I don't understand why this happens but it gets so bad that I can't make a single decision during my panic and always end up over or under doing it when making myself up.
I've found the only thing that helps is to put on soothing background music while getting ready in order to calm myself down.

☁ I've been known to eat jam straight from the jar. Especially gooseberry jam which I only just discovered recently but boy oh boy does that stuff taste out of this world!

☁ I'm afraid that lists like these make me seem incredibly insecure, self absorbed and neurotic.

☁ Secretly I hope you instead find them endearing and relatable and therefor will prove me to be completely irrational and wrong about myself.

And so now I will go bury my head in my blankets and pretend I never pushed publish.


frankie said...

my thought is that if in this space you can't just be honest, well, where can you be (but I so get it too) carry on, your contributions change my day every time I read them - and I for one think you have much talent. (sorry for the crappy capitalization and punctuation - I type exactly as it is in my head) <3

Loulou said...

It's a good list and I enjoyed the poem. As for the 'room of doom'! .. I had one that was actually our garage, which had to get cleared out when we got a car in March. Now we have no spare room for the junk so it's all over. True story .. there is a box labeled Christmas Decor right in my living room as I type. After a while you (aka I) don't notice it anymore! But heaven forbid if anyone drops in unannounced .. thank goodness the weather is getting nice and all visitors can be brought directly to the yard!


The Waits said...

wow! I am so amazed at how much we are alike!! REALLY ALIKE!
-yesterday, i was thinking about all the cards i have recieved, and collected through out my life.
-i have a serious junk room, and soon may not be able to open the door either
-i too watch hoarders, and it freaks me out. my mom pretty much is one, and i am always afraid i will end up that way too!
-i cry whenever i am overwhelmed. heck, i cry more over that, and hardly when i feel sad....maybe because i am more overwhelmed, than sad in my life?
I always worry about upsetting others.
-im always worried about turning people off...esp. when i get overwhelmingly emotional...
- sometimes i wonder if my photos are all that great. what do people really think about them?? am i going to get better, or always stay the same?
-i def. nervous for social some cases, it has prevented me from going...i have been known to miss a wedding. booo.
-i hate confrontation...
- i use ......... too much, and "ha" too much
-ive been known to eat jam out of the jar..recently, i at apricot jam out of the jar, and even ate it with my hash browns...
-when i feel insecure, i have been known to go to my room, hid under blankets..and long ago, under my bed...
_ see how much a like we are! crazy! I am totally being honest, and sincere.
humans are more alike in life, than we know!
ps, i think you are great! dont stop ebing you!
ps, i guess i should take my own advice! LOL

urban muser said...

your new blog look is great! and i wonder if you love your dog more than i do mine. we could have a contest :)

Katerina said...

Thanks so much for your comments lovely peeps.
You've all just reaffirmed for me that we are more alike than we realise.
As I said, I worry more about being too honest than not honest enough and wonder if being the way I am is such a good thing.
Today I've learnt that indeed it is xox

Anna said...

It's very courageous of you to share your insecurities (like with the iList that you linked to)! I feel that a blog is definitely a place where you can do that and I have been more and more confident to do that too. It's a place where people can voluntary come to you and see updates on you (unlike facebook).

It's lovely to read your blog again. I had almost forgot about it! I've been so on and off with reading blogs the last weeks!


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