I promised myself I wouldn't continue on the boo hoo train this year.
This year there would be no more moping about not falling pregnant yet… but (and it's a BIG butt) today marks the eighth pregnancy announcement I have personally encountered this year so far - And we're not even half way through February yet!
So please excuse me while I go ahead and have a minor moment here with you.
At first of coarse I was genuinely happy for them while, understandably, also feeling the slightest twang of jealousy. Then somewhere between the 3rd and 6th announcements I stopped feeling the usual elation and noticed things were going horribly wrong in my head…
throwing yourself on the bed in a pool of tears isn't the usual reaction by any chance is it?
Half of these reactions have been to women who, like me, have been struggling down the TTC path for many years, most only after partaking in the arduous journey through IVF.
The rest have been bitterly accidental.
Complete and utter whoops-a-daisies.
Absolute surprises resulting in total freak outs before the inevitable conclusion of acceptance.
That's not to say one half deserve this blessing more than the other. Trust me, I've been equally envious of both groups and feeling more and more like a horrible person for it every time I might add.
Today though, while waxing a client I've known for at least 6 years, I felt the news of her pregnancy (yes, announcement # 8 in less than 6 weeks) wash right over me.
Oddly enough I didn't feel the pang. I didn't even flinch.
I could understand her struggle, had prayed alongside her that 'this year' (whichever year it happened to be) would be our year.
Somewhere deep inside my soul a little voice called out to my heart -
"you see? don't fear, this will be your year."
With so many babies coming into this world already surely there are more to come.
And surely one of these precious little souls making it's way into the world will find it's way to me.
Maybe there really is baby dust in the air.
Maybe this will be my year after all…