When you find yourself 7 months pregnant and staring at the next 7 painfully empty days without your partner around to keep you company or fill the lonely nights with love, I wonder, what's a hormonally unstable pregnant lady to do?
I could sigh no less than 10 times a minute…
Curl up in a ball hugging my big belly and cry…
Mindlessly eat half a carton of choc/caramel ice cream till I feel sick…
Surf the internet/TV channels waiting for something interesting to jump out and entertain me enough to take my mind off him long enough not to sigh again in this same sentence…
Send him multiple texts bordering on the psychotic…
and when all that is said and done I could start the cycle again.
Le sigh, siigh, siiiighhhh…
But when you've had enough of sighing till you hyperventilate you could do what I've done and write up an incredibly lame list of things to do to pass the time while he's gone.
Ahem… here goes:
1. Spend over an hour on Pinterest pinning useless images & links like your life and the lives of those who follow you depends on it.
2. Fill your day with as much work as possible.
No I don't need to finish early today.
Sure, a 13 hour shift is totally appropriate for a woman in my condition.
Please stay and have another treatment. Nooo don't leave me…
3. Catch up on reading your pregnancy guides.
Go back over the early months and reminisce if you must.
4. Scan Facebook for updates every 10 minutes & stalk the about page of your entire friends list.
You'll be amazed at the banality or downright stupidity of what some people will write about themselves.
5. Watch all the crappy/ trashy TV that your heart desires guiltlessly.
6. Make half hearted meals for one.
Spaghetti ala Heinz tomato sauce anyone?
How about cheese and crackers? Tuna straight from the can is always a winner.
7. Catch up on blogging ;)
8. Write a really shit post about your inability to have a life outside of your husband.
9. Upload and categorise your holiday photos and finally write some posts about the times you weren't so lame and had said life you now lack.
10. Think of people to visit so as not to be home alone more than you need to be.
11. Take naps.
12. Go out and buy the box set of season one of Once Upon A Time and catch up on all the episodes your hubby wouldn't let you watch in peace while it was free to air.
13. Stay up really late until you're tired enough to go to bed without him by your side.
14. When you wake in the middle of the night to pee/stretch your back/stretch your hips or reheat your wheat pack, read a book with the lamp on to help you fall asleep again rather than trying to strategically toss and turn with your numerous pillows in the dark, all the while, trying not to wake your significant other or push him out of the bed or smother his annoying snoring face with them.
15. Don't bother with your hair and make up nearly as much as usual.
Which wasn't much to begin with I might add…
16. Clean the house like you have OCD.
17. Make a start on the office/junk room that you can barely open the door to.
18. Go out and buy some curtain railings in order to hang up those curtains that you bought over two weeks ago.
It'll feel really nice to walk around your own lounge in your underwear again without scaring your neighbours children for life or have to live in fear of peeping toms watching your every move while hubby is away.
19. Analyse your baby name list and eliminate options by charting the best combinations to suit your last name via numerology testing.
Seriously, by now you're surely THAT bored.
20. Take another nap. You've earned it.